Moment of Truth

It's only Tuesday and it's been a hell of a week! I believe that  God sends you signs and if they are listened to, he pretty much runs you over like a MAC truck to get you to see what direction he wants you to go.

I have been depressed before about my weight, probably more so than others but this time, I feel beaten, or at least until 6:30 tonight, I did. That is when the MAC truck hit me. The boys and I had to run to Target to get a new shirt for Matthew (picture day tomorrow) and after buying winter jackets, gloves, hats, underwear and the blessed shirt that I came in for that I almost forgot, we were on our way home......when I see an old aquaintance I knew from Humpty Dumpty days. She looked, in a word, amazing! She had lost 77 pounds and she was simply glowing with happiness. It could be the depressed funk I was in but I swear she was giving me the, "I am sorry you are still fat." look. I tried to get out of the situation as quickly as I could because I couldn't stand being "the bigger one" in the conversation. I quickly called a friend who knows exactly what I am going thru. Fell off the wagon with me, at various times in our friendship. I started to cry hysterically. I couldn't stop, it was a waterfall of emotion. I didn't want to be me at that moment in time. I didn't want to be that weak, vulernable, that beaten down. But in that moment, that one in a lifetime moment, I knew I had to give this whole weight loss another look. I don't want to be the fat mom, the fat friend, the one sitting on the sidelines. I don't want to make another excuse. I asked my friend if she will commit with me to run at least a half marathon next October. I think she didn't want me to crash, so she agreed. We have never ran a marathon. I told her I need a tangable goal. I need something to stride for.

It was a year ago today, I walked a half marathon. I can't let the person I am forget that.

So tomorrow, I am going over my friend's house. I am going to forget the fact that I need to clean the house. I am going to forget that I don't want to get up from the couch. I need to walk. I need to start counting my point for WW. I need to put my body's need for a healthier lifestyle. If I have to take this hour by hour, I will.

I think I going to write a letter to myself. See where it takes me.